Love, Lust and Everything In Between

I promised myself that this week's post won't be about love and all that gooey ooey, mushy mushy romance y'all have drowned yourselves in all week long: #TheWeekofLove. Why? Well simple, being single and all, really makes you want to wish away the Valentine's day, fiasco, right? Y'all single folks know what I'm talking about. Yeah, I know you do. Then I thought.... "Ah, Screw it!"

Courtesy: www.gratis-e-cards.nl

But, despite the mild feeling of spite I have for the day (have never really had much luck with this particular date, so... not yet at least) it really got me thinking about this human mystery we all seem to have our own understanding for. Yea, there are some generally accepted ideas, practises, ideals and believes. If the billions of love songs from all the cultures and peoples of the world is nothing to go by, you read the extensive research to explain what goes on in the human brain that have been put forth in a bit to demystify this "demon" called: Love.

Let me take a whack at this beast. Hey, who knows, I might just have all the answers you've been looking for. Haha😆, I can't believe I just 'said' that with a straight face. *Chuckles idiotically*

The Love Chronicles (My Kenyan Bae)

Let me start by saying how much I just love being Kenyan. Not by choice, not by force just by plain old birth. This kind of love we all feel for our countries of origin: I mean, yes we do occasionally board planes and travel thousands of miles away in search of that greener pasture, dreams of a million dollars and that white picket fence - some of us at least. 

But as long as you, genuinely love your country, "they" thought it fit to label you a patriot.

This drives me to my argument of what love is; just a bunch of in-explicable feeling and/or emotions with just a label on them but each sort of following a generally accepted pattern of behaviour.

The love and romance scene in Kenya for instance is such a wonder. Oh, and this is not to mean that I know it all, well, ideally because I'm still relatively young and still learning what love is, but here is what I have so far.

Old School Love

One thing we can all agree on (and yea there is published research proving this as well) the whole love, lust and romance scene has changed quite a bit. And by a bit I mean there has been a severe change in the entire front of love. A phenomenon I personally want to call, The Lovolution(pronounced: Love-o-lution).

Here is a list of stages of love that I personally feel fall under the old school kind of love; in chronological order as ones live advanced

• Puppy love

Remember that awkward feeling you used to get around that time in class 4 when the teachers went on this campaign to make sure the whole boy-girl boy-girl seating arrangement was enforced. Those strange forms that doubled up as lockers just felt so crowded by that whole feeling of awkward tension between you and your desk mate. Hehe.

Puppy Love

The funniest bit was this was actually a hypocritical reaction to what was actually going on in our little 'innocent' minds: or mine at least. Despite our thorough attempts to keep this feelings we were led to believe were wrong from a very tender age bottled up, they just never seemed to go away. You'd get your ass whooped for writing your crush a love letter. Then your folks would be told what you did and they'd add on to the beating all the way chanting, "Ulienda shule kufanya matabia ama kusoma! Eh!?" (Which roughly translates to: "You went to school to 'do bad manners' or to learn! Eh!?)

In early upper primary (classes 4 and 5), crushes were just innocent things, guess that's why they were thus popularly accepted as puppy love. Then we get to class 6 and there begin the changes, and the learning about the changes just adds on to further development of this feelings we still can't explain. This is the precursor of what I'm calling biochemical love.

• Biochemical Love

The awkwardness increases, then the discomfort with the funny science classes talking about all this changes that are headed our way. One, two, maybe around ten even, or the chicks in class blush every time this changes are mentions - a little more than all the rest - because this changes to them are reality and not tall tales. The early bloomers.



The little love notes are now being discovered a lot more often. Love songs are being quoted. Love has sort of graduated. Those staunch believers in discipline (mostly those still traumatised by earlier beatings) still be snitching and getting admirers whooped. Needless to say, only boys are on the receiving end of this beatings.





Those of us who were extremely adventurous start taking they special parts on special training ops around this time, More often than not there's a "couple" being publicly shamed before the whole school because they were caught in the bushes behind the rest rooms or at some corner of the field doing what lovers do. Suspensions are issued for some evolved schools, but for most of us, it is the beat down that really sends the message. Those feelings, more like urges, are repressed. Pushed down so hard and tucked behind hours of reading Holy books and prayer.

Hormonal changes hit full swing in the mid to late teens. The urges that teacher you all thought was a perv by mentioning penis and vagina without flinching become more apparent. However, the funny bit being, you mind leading you to believe that you are just fine and that you are in control. So guys "chasing" down chicas at some Drama/Music Festival "funkie" just to have then ferociously gyrating they asses pressed up against the guys loins to the tune of some Jamaican riddim, becomes the norm. All who don't subscribe to this new found 'religion' are labelled "Uncool".

Principles of Lust

Numbers are exchanged. Texting turns into sexting. Phone calls turn into phone-sex. (Thanks yuMobile and Zain (now Airtel) mobile by the way) Then a meet up, probably over the December holiday break, and the LUST handles the rest.



• College Love

This, in my experience at least, is the most fun and soul stripping type of "love" there is. But before I go into the details i just feel the need to clarify something real fast. The label college love doesn't restrict this kind of love to the confines of college sleeping quarters or off campus hostels, nor is it innately meant or practised by college "kids". This is intended to define the kind of love practised or experienced by young adults between the ages of 18 to 25 years. Though now that i think of it, with the current stats and with that Lovolotion i was talking about earlier, this may extend into the late 20's.



Courtesy of B/W photography: College Love



This is a highly experimental stage. One has this feeling that the world is there's for the taking. Your aspirations are insanely immense and they all seem just some few short moments away. This is projected into the love, lust and everything in between that one engages in. It's safe to say that those who were lucky enough (or maybe unlucky depending on how you look at it) to keep their virginity intact to this moment, succumb to primal desires or just the overall thrill of the ride.

So, between the partying, the one too many one night stands, the morning after promise to never do it again and the total disregard for that promise later that day (or week if you were serious that one time) we end up in situations. Mere shells of what we personally identify as real love.

On the plus side, this stage of the growth is where we actually develop actual care and concern for (1) ourselves and our desired future selves and (2) our partners (for those in actual stable relationships) and close friends.

As if by the law natural selection some of "mates" we desire to end up with primarily wither away into the abyss of new and more promising suitors that come along. But each heart we break, or each time we are the one getting broken, we are shattered a little more than was the case in the past. Many believe this builds character and is a primary ingredient to that long lasting union in matrimony.

There are many a beautiful love stories that begin in this stage all through till death does them part. 

• Matrimonial Love

This I must say is uncovered grounds for me, with little to no hopes of that fact changing any time soon hehe. But I'll try build on what I've seen with our parents.

The parents of our generations, whether still together (for those who are as lucky as I), separated, divorced or deceased; generally worked or are still working their asses off to make sure we get a good education. Some of them are very learned and have had great careers and professional success. Thant's why some of our classmates could very comfortable roll up in rides that would make lecturers refuse to call off their strike. While for some of us, they spend every dying penny, apply for every bursary, sell off the little land they own just to clear college tuition.



Family Pic


Matrimonial Love is a multi-faceted kind of love. The dynamics are so complex once you try and wrap you head around it. Here are two people who have devoted their own lives to enriching the other persons life. They have agreed to unit they differences, accept each others weaknesses, forgive each others faults: basically be together for better or for worse, till death separates them. Maybe this is me freaking out but, this sounds really hard.

On top of this oath of love for one another, they have to add the love, care, concern and compassion of their spawn, then their now merged families, they have to maintain friends acquaintances and professional colleague relationships as well.

One word. Yaiks!